My Depression

I won’t own a gun because they take know effort to harm yourself or someone else.  I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder I have days where it would be very easy for me if I had a gun where I could easily just load the gun and pull that trigger.  Thankfully those thoughts have come in fewer intervals as of late.  Now days I just want to run as far away from everything and everyone.   My mind races with so many thoughts I can hardly concentrate or focus on one thing.  There are days I wish my mom had aborted me just so I wouldn’t have to live this mess up life with no meaning but to work, eat and sleep.  No time to decompress.

People don’t understand the loneliness even when you are surrounded by others.  They cannot comprehend the darkness I feel daily. Sure, I am having a few good days where these things don’t enter my mind as much and they seem to be increasing, but I am always waiting for everything to come crashing down.

I barely leave my home except to go to work or therapy, though I start back to school next week so that should help.  For almost 20 years I have been dealing with this problem; it is a fight.  A fight with my mind but it wares on me.  I hope school will help me with being more social because a lot of them are gone.  Maybe that light I see will get just a bit closer only time will tell.

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