Journal Entry 8

This came from my old wordpress if it seems out of place.

Ok so this is not a requirement for the course I am taking at school, but it is in the book “On Course” for which I am using in my paths to college success class.  I should have started it sooner, but I didn’t want to put more work on myself then I had too.  I am now doing this for myself.  The next entry’s I make are going to be journal suggestions from the book.

In these journals, I am going to try using their guidelines for writing a meaningful journal entries till I find one that I like better.  These are accepting personal responsibility, discover self-motivation, master self-management, employ interdependence, gain self-awareness, adopt lifelong learning, develop emotional intelligence, and believe in my-self.

Take inventory of your personal strengths and weaknesses as revealed in your self-assessment questionnaire.

In your journal, write the eight areas of the self-assessment and record your scores for each.

38   Accepting Personal Responsibility

42   Discovering Self- Motivation

27   Mastering Self- Management

26   Employing interdependence

43   Gaining Self- Awareness

44   Adopting Lifelong Learning

36   Developing Emotional Intelligence

40   Believing in myself

Write about the areas on the self-assessment in which you had your highest scores

These scores were out of 80 points each, so none of my scores were rather high most hovered in the mid to lower point ranges.  I knew I had a lot to work on even before I took the assessment.  My highest scores were in discovering self-motivation, gaining self-awareness, adopting lifelong learning, and believing in myself.  I have been working on believing in myself for years going to therapy off and on for my major depressive disorder It just had not sunk in till started going to CBSST (Cognitive Behavioral Social Skills Training) at the VA.  The next one up would be discovering self-motivation.  This is so true of me my mind races so fast that I hardly have time to write ideas I have down and I do get bored easily.  Gaining self-awareness and lifelong learning are at the top of my list thanks to the internet.  You may be saying how does the internet help create self-awareness; well I don’t just use it for cat videos and viral videos I watch a lot of things that give me pause for thought like the Crash Course series and the multitude of independent news feeds and if I have questions about something I just check their sources or research it on my own if I Want to know about a subject.  Doing this give me insight in to who I truly am as I have lost myself through the madness of life.

Write about your lowest scores

Employing interdependence, mastering self-management, developing emotional intelligence, and accepting personal responsibility these are my lowest scores.  Employing interdependence, I understand why this one is low it is one that most older generational men deal with. We hate to ask for help this is the way we were taught “real men don’t need to ask for help I can do this on my own”.  This is something we are taught just by observing our fathers and other male role models.  The way I am combating this is by going back to school you have no choice in college you need to work with others if you want to survive.  Mastering self-management, I have always had issues with this.  It is no secret among those who know me I am a slob and my time management sucks.  This I am working on through today I was finally able to get some things out of my room and in the shed.  I also reorganized my room for a better study space; doing school work in the kitchen with 2 other guys in my mobile home made it challenging.  I put things on my walls to inspire and keep me on track like a world map with the places I would like to help when I join the Peace Corp and a work schedule for school work.  Developing emotional intelligence this has been a pain for me because I tend to bottle things up till I blow (and not in a good way).  This usually takes the form of a fight and I hate to fight I don’t want to hurt anyone or myself that is one of the reasons I am posting this in a public forum.  I want to be open and not hold in the all my feelings and if I can help anyone else who has these problems I am happy.  I do sometimes cry for no apparent reason I think that is my bodies way of relieving some of the pent-up emotions I still carry and don’t realize it.  Accepting personal responsibility, I have often blamed many things on my passed experiences for why I do or don’t do thing and more often allow other to dictate how they think I should live.  Dealing with this one is hard I have had to remove certain people from my life for now so that I can find myself and do the things I want to do.  Certain people I have allowed to have too much control over me and let them guide to who they think I should be.  I can’t let that happen anymore I realize the more I allow them to have control the more I hate myself.  I feel I am at a pivotal juncture in my life where I need to focus on who I am and who I want to be.  I cannot allow them to have so much influence on me or I may slip

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