Last night I was Inducted in to Phi Theta Kappa, the international Honor Society for 2 years college students. This was one of my many goals that I have. Man I am nervous. Now I have a standard that other will be expecting more of me. Other than my hair at time I am quite forgettable. Though it always felt like a shallow life, no real meaning. That has been one of my driving forces in life, finding meaning for myself. Now I worry about being staying good enough to stay in the Honor Society. This is what I wanted, this is what I felt might help me open up more and get out of my comfort zone. Now I am shrinking back in to my shell again. I have to stop playing the what if game and just do what I have been doing the past couple of semester and I should be fine. Unfortunately, I have lost some of my passion over the summer. I should have stayed in school the whole time then I would probably not feel this way. Next summer, Summer school or volunteer or something because my job sucks and I need something that make me feel like a human and not a drone.