JJ's World Views

Tag: Success

  • This Semester

    This has been the hardest semester for me yet. I have been procrastinating too much. In away I have been doing a great job of self sabotage. In a way I  think I do not deserve to get my A.A.  Though I have put in all of the time and work that I need to, maybe even more.  I am less than two months away from finally getting my A.A. in Liberal Arts.  Maybe it is because I fear the success it could bring.  I do not want to let things go to my head.  I like the way I am now in a personal sense, I worry that I will become arrogant because of the success.  As I am now and how I hope I will see myself in the future is that I am just a guy trying to do more for society and not just for myself.

    The class I am doing the worst in right now is Spanish.  At this point I just want to pass the course.  That is the first time I have said that about any of my classes.  My history class I am a bit behind in but, I can make that up no problem.  I have liked all my social science teachers.  Hell, I have a crush on the teacher I had last semester for U.S. history 2.  The current history course I am taking is History of World Civilization 3.  And I have been looking forward to this class for awhile.  The reason for that is I want to try and understand what the more recent history of the middle east is like.  This way I can help to figure out a solution to some of the problems over there.

    Human Geography is another good class I am taking and I am all caught up in.  I only have a presentation, a short essay on urbanization and the final left for that class.  My teacher for this class I had last semester for Physical Geography so I kind of knew what to expect from him.  Then I have my Career Exploration class which helped me to decide to change my Major from Social studies Education to a straight History major.  I am doing this because I do not want to have to narrow of a major and a History B.A. can open a whole lot of doors as I found out.

    The last class is not really a class but a certificate program called Pillar of Leadership.  In this program we go over the different types of leadership but, focus more on the Social Change Model of Leadership.  This is a pretty cool program and is going to look good on my resume.  Though the main reason I am taking this is because I do want to help change the way things are in this world, for the better.

    I guess for me now it is crunch time.  I need to make sure I pass all my classes and by February I will have my A. A. degree in my hands.  Now I just have to find another job because the job I am currently working at is the student store on the Work Study Program.  So, I really do want to start looking for jobs and internships in my field of study.

  • Journal Entry 6: My Mind Works in Mysterious Ways

    I have two fears that hinder me and they seem diametrically opposed to one another.  These ar my fear of failure and my fear of success.  The fear of failure I hear a lot of people have.  This is because we have been taught that failure equals loser, in most respects.  When we actually learn more from our failures than our successes.  This I know on a conscious level.  It is the subconscious level that needs the work.  I hate failing, but yet I know that is just a part of life.  I have started working on this by going back to school and building more confidence in myself.  It is my other fear that really stunts my growth, my fear of success.

    I fear success because I am afraid of what I will become if I am successful.  I do not want to be some self center person that doesn’t care about anyone except them selves or the close relatives.  I am not like that though I can some time come off like that, because I an severely introverted and am alone most of the time.  I try to get out to events at school but it is so hard to actually meet and talk to people for me. I hide away in my home wanting to go out and do things like: I wanted to go out to the protest at Standing Rock.  This is and important thing for me.  Standing up for something I believe like access to fresh water, and not having to worry about a pipe busting open, and polluting the entire water supply for mine or any other peoples area.  Yet, I was too afraid to go and kept making excuses, granted having to get to class and working to make sure all my bills are paid is s pretty good one.   I hate going places by myself and I do that all too often now days.

    Sorry I went on a bit of a tangent there.  Basically, I have issues with power whether it is me having it or someone else. Power is something that I feel should be spread evenly amongst the populous. This way we can make our own laws that way we can do away with this what I like to call “a sliding cast system”.  This is a system in which we have different rungs of people like: lower middle, upper and tippy top classes. Which people can move up and down in.  Though it is easier to go down than up.  Then there are very few who can even reach that level and when they do they hoard money to the point it destroys the economy.  Do people really need Monstrous mansions, the most expensive cars and homes all over the world; especially when there are people in this world who have a hard time just feeding their families or to keep a roof over their heads.  We have people making millions maybe even billions killing other for their resources.

    This year I had to read the “White Mans Burden” by Rudyard Kipling.  This is a poem about how us as Americans should take up the mantel of an empire.  Kipling thought that we should because we did not have the history that other countries had in the past like:Britain and the Belgians.  This show how much he really saw things.  We were brutal too the natives, black slaves, Chinese and Irish in this country.  I would say that the past five too six hundred years of history shows how brutal the white man is.  This is coming from a white male.  I do not hate my race, but I acknowledge that this nation has never been great.  Yes we we started the industrial revolution and we were making progress for a while.  But until we recognize what we have done as a country and try to make a mends for that we will never be great.  The true White Man’s Burden is something we did to others and ourselves.  Though many will not admit it.  Those are the ones who think they are better than everyone else.  Those are the same people who promoted slavery in the past, committed mass genocide of the native population in this land.