JJ's World Views

Tag: Friends

  • Normandale TRIO SSS End Of Year Celebration

    Tonight was the end of year Celebrations for TRIO SSS at Normandale Community College.  TRIO SSS is for people who are first generation, persons with disabilities and low income students, if you were wondering.  This was our second annual banquet to celebrate the accomplishments of all the awesome people in the program.  We started with dinner and good conversation with our peers.  I just happened to be sitting next to the President of the school Joyce Ester.  She showed us the new motor scooter she had bought, it looked pretty cool, It looked more like a motorcycle than a scooter though.

    After dinner the ceremony  started another one of my friends Dee Parker was one of the speakers.  Dee is another really inspirational people who moved up here from New Orleans after Katrina.  We went through the Academic recognitions for the semester.  The categories are as follows:

    Roaring Red: 3.0 – 3.49

    Roaring Lion: 3.5- 3.99

    Lion’s Club: 4.0

    I happened to be in the Roaring Lion category for a 3.73 GPA for the semester.  My goal with the VA is to keep a 2.5 or better, My personal goal is to keep a 3.0.  I just keep on surpassing it.  In the fall I was admitted to Phi Theta Kappa International Honor Society for 2 year colleges.

    The Next Speaker was Ushna Altaf a really funny and crazy Pakistani woman who is full of life and loves to crack jokes with everyone, this was her last semester at Normandale and she will be missed.

    Next we had a musical performance of John Lennon’s”Imagine” sung by Sam Dylia.  Even though I have the words to this song memorized, I do not think I could get up and sing it in front of a group of people and he should be commended for  the job he did.

    The awards came up directly after the performance, this is where I was filled with shock and amazement. The first three awards were the partner, Champion and Game awards These were given to faculty and staff.  Then we got to the Most Active scholar which was won by Ushna Utaf, her fellow nominees were Yuanyuan Cui and Jackson Code.  The next was the most Persistent Scholar which was won by Jenny Steck.  Her fellow nominees were Chamab Nhel, Dee Parker and Amber Branch.  The Last of the awards was Scholar of the Year won by yours truly JJ ODonnell with my fellow Nominees Amber Branch and Ella Komianvi.  This was a shock to me, I knew I had been nominated for the award but I never thought I would win.  In fact I was actually rooting for Amber or Ella, both of these women are strong, good students and have fought through their share of adversity.  This is not to say I have not; I just thought that one of them should be the winner.  Amber I know the most about she was my peer mentor and is my friend and just a kick ass chick.  Ella I know in passing from when I worked in the diversity center, she was always so cool and very courteous.  She is also the President of the BSA (Black Student Alliance) and participate in numerous other groups and activities.   I was just honored to be nominated.  I was not looking for anything else.

    The last performance was by Joe Charley who spoke a riveting poem about being more than just what people see and encouraging people to dive deeper to get to know others of different races and cultures.  It was astounding.

    The Keynote Speaker was President Ester who kept her speech short and to the point.  She was also still reeling from the previous speaker.

    The closing words were spoken by the Head of Normandale’s chapter of TRIO Frederick MacDonald-Denis, coincidentally he is my advisor till mine gets back from paternity leave, James.

    All in All this was a very interesting night for me.  It was a shock to my system I am glad to share some of it with you all.

    Peace Be With you all.

  • Loneliness is a curse

    Well I am finally going to go see suicide squad today. I have seen the reviews but I have to decide for myself. I am just so bored and cannot focus on homework Mainly because all I do for the most part any more is just work, school, eat  and sleep.  I have no social life to speak of really.

    I have always felt alone in my life not, because I didn’t have friends or family. It is because I feel they just never understood me at all.  I am one of those people who could be in a room filled with people and still just feel like I am the only person in the room.  Over the past 4 or 5 years this feeling has grown.  That is one of the reasons why I started counseling and going back to school.  I wanted to try and put myself out there and find people who have similar interests who may understand where I am coming from and why I want to do what I am trying to do.

    I have such a hard time making new friends to do stuff with.  Here I am 40 years old divorced, single and living in a mobile home older than me,fighting my depression constantly.  It is a never ending battle.  I know people do worry about me in my family, yet it is hard for me to be around them.  The last few times I had been with them it just seem that when they were talking to me they were hyper critical of me and my viewpoints, even though I try to keep it on the internet they bring it into the face to face contacts. So I just do not want to be around them.  I feel like nothing I can do in their eye is right or good enough.  They expect me to see things the way they do and I just can’t.  It is not me I look deeper into things,  I try to understand the way the world works.  This is something I have always done.  It seems to me that all they see in me is a 40 yr old who like Cartoons, horror movies, and is decent with kids.  I feel they think I do not actually look into anything of substance at all.  They prove this by the way they try and push there own morals and beliefs on me.

    Look I am who I am and believe in my own moral code.  I have always been like that.  Religion has had no affect on my moral values.  All I want is to be a good person and help others try to treat others with respect as much as possible, not alway succeeding there.  When I came out as an Atheist for the first time that is when things started going south between me and them.  My mom was like no you’re not you Agnostic.  At the time I got offended because I didn’t know then what I do now about the word and its uses.

    Being an Atheist just means I do not believe there is a god.  Agnosticism is a state of knowing.  So my mom was right to a point, but we are all Agnostics.  No one knows for sure if a god really exists or not, despite what some people may say.  A belief is a feeling not knowledge.  I have tried to believe in a god so that people would except me I have been to so many different churches done research on the matter as well as read the bible from front to back.  There is nothing there to prove the existence of a god for me.  Some people would Probably say that it is your lack of faith that causes my depression and loneliness.  This could not be farther from the truth for me.  It is the fact that my family and old friends that think that I just want to be a rebel, different, and want to mold me to the image they want.  That is what want me to be, that has been a big contributor to my depression.  Me and my mom used to be close or as close as I can get to a person emotionally.

    I had to take a break from writing this post for awhile, because I have been in tears while writing this.  My heart is heavy and I hurt so bad, but I push on.   I expose my heart to all of you out here to let you know if you feel the same way you are not alone.   You can make it through it.  It does not matter if you’re a teen, in your 40’s or in your later years you can push through this.  You are stronger than you think.  I know because I am living it with you.  I feel the pain, the anguish, fear and loneliness the as much as anyone.  Those thoughts in your head can be change but only through practice and hard work.  You just have  you just have to have faith in yourself and find your passion.  Thing do get easier the more you work at it.  It may never go away, but at least it can be more manageable for you in the long run.

    If you know and love someone who has depression take the time to try and understand them.  Let them know they are loved don’t just say it show it.  You will make it easier for them and you may save their life.  Please.

    If you have any questions on ways I have used to manage this leave a comment down below or you can message me on facebook or twitter.  I will try to respond as much as I can.

    I want to leave you all who read this with this,  You are all loved even though it may not feel like it at times you are.  I love you all and stay strong and let peace be with you all.